“The un-examined life is not worth living.” These words are attributed to Socrates at his trial after he chose death rather than exile. I may no longer be in my twenties, but I’m very open to improving my life and those around me.
Like many of you, I’m accomplished at picking up women, but my relationships have only lasted a year or two, so I’ve managed to rack up (or should I say wreck-up) three marriages in my 50-plus years of life. How could that be? I’m told that I’m handsome. My salary puts me in the top 1% of the United States. I’m a leader of smart young men and women. I’m almost too creative in bed. I thrive on variety, and have worked for many of the top international companies in advertising and marketing; and pursued SCUBA, motorcycles, travel, flying, martial arts, art, and concerts. Sure, I’ve been between jobs, but we’ve never gone (too) hungry, and the next job typically pays more. I speak Spanish and Russian, and worked in the intelligence community. I’m practically Mr. Adventure, and don’t women like exciting guys?
My first wife was a 10 in looks and quality, and it’s not my opinion. She was a national cheerleader champion in New York state, and both her high school’s valedictorian (brains) and homecoming queen (beauty and social skills). She has auburn hair, a few cute freckles, amazing smile, smoking hot body; and one emerald eye and the other sapphire blue. Her dad owned a popular deli and wanted me to join his business. At 24, she also owned her own home in Florida. How did I fuck that up within one year? Sure, I wasn’t perfect, but lacking any training in psychology, I diagnosed her as having Hystrionic Personality Disorder.
My second wife was 18 and in the Army. Like wife number one, she would do whatever I asked of her sexually, and I had her turning over her paycheck to me each month for the rare privilege of living with me off base. That marriage produced two kids, and lasted less than two years. She didn’t seem nuts, so I put the blame on her parents influencing her negatively. The two attractive female Mormon missionaries warned me about her. I should have listened to those gals before my wife came home one day and threw them out of our apartment. I was receiving spiritual counseling by them, how could she be so freaking jealous? Sure both gals were pretty and young, but they were on a mission from God.
Wife number three, was on Brazil’s women’s beach volleyball team, she was a competitive bicyclist, beer commercial model, and had the hottest body of all three. She had a college degree, owned her own home in Brazil at age 28, and was director of administration for Brazil’s largest cement company. Our marriage started well enough: she insisted on sleeping on my arm at night which she called a loaf of sweet bread. Surprisingly, she was the most sexually conservative of the three. She cooked and cleaned daily and introduced me to many new friends in San Francisco’s Brazilian community, as well has her wonderful family in Brazil. One day, I told her I wanted a threesome with one of her friends, but what girl isn’t secretly bisexual?
The marriage was in shambles in less than two years, and the only reason that I’m still in touch with her is because we have a teenage son. Last year, I paid her over $100,000 in cash for child support. What’s worse, I treated her the best of all three. I studied the top books on relationships and no matter how well I treated her – paying her MORE in child support than required by the court; buying her generous gifts; ignoring her insults in public; earning over $500,000 a year; leading a team of smart attractive people; and taking her and my son on trips to Europe and Asia, NOTHING EVER earned a kind word from her. In fact, the more I delivered, the less she gave me emotionally. By now I was an expert in amateur psychology, so I diagnosed her as having Borderline Personality Disorder because it couldn’t be all me.
This is my first trip to Medellin, and I’ve had the best sex in the past few weeks and am hanging out with new friends, the most successful social media expert in all of South America; club and restaurant owners of the most over-the-top venues in all of Medellin; real estate moguls; and even the pilot to American rock stars.
One of the most inspiring people I have met goes by the name of WR. He even has a unique hand-shake. How did I meet him, and why does he matter? I was having dinner at a Thai restaurant, when a fellow walks in with a beautiful Paisa (Colombian gal) on his arm. Craig has nine years experience in Colombia. He struck up a conversation, and I was soon at his table enjoying dinner together. What impressed me most was his confidence with this woman, and his knowledge of the Colombian scene from border-to-border. When he began talking about the business of relationships, and the market forces of supply and demand, I listened intently. Before leaving, we exchanged emails, and he invited me to meet someone he holds a lot of respect for – WR.
A few nights later, I’m enjoying the best fish I’ve ever eaten and two for one drinks at a price so low, I felt like I was stealing from the restaurant. With me are Craig, Don, and WR. What I liked about WR is that he asks questions and listens. His questions were intriguing. As he began to describe the two key drivers of men and women (both words begin with the letter “S”), I began to understand the common thread of why all three wives checked-out emotionally. It also revealed to me with crystal clarity why, no matter how well I treated the former wife from Brazil, her response was to ignore or counter each and every of my new accomplishments.
Listening to WR intently, I realized that my addiction to variety was creating emotional instability in all three women. Their response was to gradually shut-down emotionally, evidenced by diminishing touching, loving, sex, communication, and eventually being served with ‘papers’ and being forced to move out of the home I was paying for each month.
Well, then I explained to WR that I can’t change how I am. I thrive on variety in sex, career, geography. What does this mean for my future relationships? WR went on to describe how every romantic relationship is a business. There’s the boardroom and the bedroom. People play different roles and have unique responsibilities. Those roles and responsibilities are established in the job description and are explained in the interview and agreed to before we start day one (if you follow WR’s suggested relationship business plan). Unless you get things right in the boardroom, things won’t last long in the bedroom. The sooner you jump into the bedroom, the shorter the relationship is likely to last in the absence of well-defined and agreed expectations. He went on to describe how I could have avoided all three fiascos had I just established mutual expectations and trust early on. He guided me to a series of 11 questions that can help start the boardroom conversation.
Had I explained to those girlfriends before they became wives, that I thrive on change, and how she could expect me to change companies, and have periods of unemployment or even threesomes with other women. In hindsight, I could have offered them a monthly amount for her to save for those periods of job changes, so that she could feel secure, knowing in advance to expect change but to feel confident that she would have greater control over our finances for those gaps in my paycheck, bonuses, and stock option sales. Even though I always provided financially in my fun park, I strapped them into an emotional roller coaster ride at midnight, when what they were expecting was a pleasant swan-shaped paddle boat ride on a clear smooth pond on a sunny Saturday.
I’m very curious about WR’s latest venture, ColombianHarmony.com and the model he’s developing for men and women, building on the boardroom approach to relationships. What’s attractive to me is the honesty, mutual expectations, and communication involved, as well as the connections available. There’s a model for me and other men that might work better than the spontaneous approach to relationships of days past. A new vocabulary is involved that I won’t go into, and for me, what I’m seeking today is:
FastFriendz™ for immediate gratification, but eventually seeking VIPz™ or Elitz™ if she’s right. WR can explain these concepts better to you in person. The key is being honest and establishing thorough mutual expectations in the boardroom. If it seems like I’m a believer, I’m not entirely. I am however, open-minded, and do believe that a life worth living is one worth examining.
I wish every one of you who reads this the best in love and happiness, and I hope you find something valuable in WR’s years of experience as a life coach. He lives by what he teaches and has two lovely women in his life as a result, who shower him with significance, love and affection. He provides them the security to be their best.
– GG Medellin, Colombia April 2017